Learn these unique and fun Hawaii food (and dining) etiquette tips. From chopsticks etiquette to potlucks, your next visit to Hawaii will be much more rewarding!
Food etiquette should fun and helpful, never intimidating.
Hawaii is a special and very unique place. And with that, we have our own set of common etiquette tips. I hope this comes in handy! None of these are exotic rules. Most are common sense. They all revolve around food and dining.
Note from a Local: Because we have a large Asian population, many of these etiquette tips also apply in Asia.
Chopsticks - Placement
We use chopsticks often (for all kinds of food!) in Hawaii.
Do Not
Do not stick your chopstick directly in the rice bowl (standing up). This is considered rude and also very bad luck.
Do
Instead, set your chopsticks across your bowl or plate (along the rim). Or place it in the chopstick rest next to your bowl or plate. You want the chopsticks to rest parallel to the table, not perpendicular.
Chopsticks - Serving
Do Not
Do not use your personal chopsticks to serve yourself (or others) second helpings.
Do
If you're a host, include an extra pair of "sharing chopsticks" for each dish. That way your guests can use those chopsticks to get food.
If you're a guest, make sure to use those "sharing chopsticks." If your host didn't already lay them out, just ask nicely for an extra set of chopsticks for serving. Or you can turn your chopsticks around and use the other (clean) end to serve food.
If you're at a restaurant, kindly ask the serve for an extra set of serving utensils (chopsticks, fork, spoons, etc).
Serve Others
Hawaii is family oriented and we often have big family dinners served...family style! Think three generations of family for Sunday night dinner at home or Friday night out at a restaurant. Either way this means big plates of food places in the center of the table (or on a lazy susan).
Do Not
Do not serve yourself first. There will be many dishes placed at the center of the table. No matter how hungry you are, do not dive in and load up your plate first. This is bad manners, especially if you didn't help prepare dinner.
Do
If someone encourages you to "go first", the right thing to do is serve the oldest person (usually both grandma and grandpa) at the table first. Then serve yourself.
Or you can offer to serve everyone. It's more work but people will be like, woooow so good manners. But usually you can serve the *oldest, then yourself, and then pass the serving utensils to the person next to you (might be your cousin or sibling, etc).
*If you're serving one grandparent, then you should serve both.
The Potluck Exception
We are big on potlucks and garage parties in Hawaii. Because these are more casual affairs and often much larger, the serving others rule doesn't have to apply here (though I still think you should always help prepare grandma and grandpa's potluck plate).
Do Not
Do not rush to the front of the potluck line. Just not a great look. Let older people go up first. Also do not waste food. Eat what you take.
Do
Fill your plate up good! We love to eat and potlucks are a big and fun celebration of eating. Also feel free to go up for seconds and thirds...that just means you really like the food.
Note from a Local: I grew up in Hawaii with the idea of it being ok to go for seconds and thirds. It wasn't until I spent more time in France that I learned that going for seconds and thirds of your cheese plate is very bad manners. I was told I should decide exactly how much cheese I want to eat ahead of time and take only that. o_O
Invited To A Potluck?
Lucky you! It's important to be a great guest, so that you can be invited back for the next potluck ^_^
Do Not
Be stingy. Someone else is hosting so the least you can do is be generous with your potluck contribution. Keep in mind how many people you bring to the potluck. A large family or a group with many kids is expected to bring more than someone attending solo. (Note: there are valid exceptions to this, see comments at the bottom of this post for first hand potluck experience).
Do
Be thoughtful with what you contribute. Think easy to share foods, and dishes that are good at room temperature. Everyone always loves a dish of chow mein, gau gee, roast pork, a big platter of spam musubi etc.
Bring A Gift (And Remove Shoes)
Did a friend invite you over to their home for dinner? Lucky you! Nothing beats Hawaii hospitality and home cooking.
Do Not
Do not come empty handed.
Do
Bring a gift. Doesn't need to be fancy or expensive. The gift is a thoughtful touch and a small thank you for the invitation. It's a way to show appreciation.
Bring a bottle of wine, a great pie or cake (we have many great dessert places in Hawaii), or an appetizer (think fresh poke or beautiful sashimi). No need to stress too hard about it ^_^
Note from a Local: Always remove your shoes when entering someone's home. If they say, "oh no, it's ok to keep your shoes on," then it's ok to keep it on. But the default assumption is definitely to remove your shoes.
Plate Lunch
Local food is not diet food.
Do Not
Don't assume your plate lunch will come with *salad or any sort of greens. The only "salad" that exists on a traditional plate lunch is mac salad. We love carbs, meats, and sweets in Hawaii. We have amazing produce and vegetables in Hawaii but salads are not really a thing.
*Many fancier/modern plate lunch spots give the option of replacing mac salad with green salad. But man it would be a shame to leave Hawaii without enjoying mac salad.
Do
Order some veggies on the side.
Plastic Bags
Hawaii was the first state in the US to ban plastic bags.
Do Not
Don't expect your purchase to come with a plastic bag. If you want a bag (it will be a paper bag), there will be a small surcharge (usually around $.25).
Do
Bring your own bag. Many people keep reusable bags and tote bags in their car trunk. We use this for everything from grocery shopping to picking up takeout food orders.
Clean Up
Always leave a place nicer than when you found it.
Do Not
Do not leave trash lying around. Empty food containers, utensils, soda cans, water bottles, etc. We see it on the beach, in the parks, and on hiking trails all the time. It is heartbreaking. Why would anyone want to come to such a beautiful place and do this?
Do
Clean up after yourself. It's common sense.
Eating Poi
Poi is the staple starch of Hawaiian food. Made from the root of the taro (kalo) plant, it's sticky, sweet, and a bit sour. Find it at Hawaiian restaurants and takeout spots in town, so tasty!
Do Not
If you don't like it, you don't have it to eat it (see next section below). But it would be a shame to not even try. Some places let you pick rice or poi to go with your plate, so you can also think of it as a rice substitute.
Do
You can eat poi with a spoon or fork, whatever works for you. It is very much ok to eat poi with your fingers! That is actually the traditional way to eat poi. Depending on the maker, poi can have different consistencies. People can describe poi as "one finger poi" (super thick), "two finger poi" (medium thickness) or "three finger poi" (thinnest).
Try It (Or Politely Pass)
One of the best parts about food in Hawaii is the diversity of food! From Chinese to Hawaiian, Japanese to Korean and Filipino and Portuguese and SO much more, you can live in Hawaii for a lifetime and still not explore all the food offered here.
Do Not
Do not immediately assume that something won't be delicious. You never know till you try.
If you really don't want to eat something, then don't. Politely pass. No need to make a funny face or crack an insulting joke...no one benefits from that.
Do
Do try it! There is nothing to lose. What is the point of living (and traveling all the way to Hawaii) if not to explore and learn and eat. If you don't like something you never have to eat it again. But at least you tried it.
Mainly, just enjoy the food here ^_^
Aloha e Kathy! I loved this article because I married a non-local so I did not realize how much I took for granted as far as etiquette goes; sharing food and talking story was a just a regular thing. It is not like that with my husband's family and Alan, I can definitely relate to what you are saying. I don't feel rude for stopping sharing, I just cannot afford to be the one to make nice food and feed everyone all the time with no reciprocation. Mahalo nui Kathy for writing this up and for everyone's shares on this post.
Aloha Jamie - Thanks so much for your thoughtful comment! I definitely understand what you are saying haha. So happy you like the post ^_^
Kathy
there are a lot of manners everywhere that share similarities. i was reading about manners in Alabama b/c it is one of the politest places in the US, and they are similar to this, except with large porches and no chopsticks. i read that Hawaiians think of themselves as very polite and they would rate much higher on politeness lists except for tourists. o_o I always wanted to ask Hawaiian people how they psychologically deal with that. because where i live, a lot of people from the rest of the country moved in at once and didn't take time to acknowledge the customs of where we live, which we consider very important, and it has been stressful because it has changed so much and i worry our politeness will get washed away forever. I've never been to either Hawaii or Alabama but i enjoy people/communities that emphasize politeness — it just makes sense. 🙂 and i love looking at pictures of nature in Hawaii, it is so beautiful, hopeful and Heavenly, like God kissed these Islands. ... thank you for your website, it is fascinating.
Hi Kathy,
So enjoyed your post! For me and my very large ohana, we often get together for family meals and gatherings. Yes it's always the same people who brings the large quantities of food and some that bring the minimal. But you know what? Non of us mind as long as you bring something and even if you don't, it's okay. There may be reasons that we don't know about. We still enjoy their company. Some people just bring their instruments for a good jam and we love it!! When we invite family and friends we don't expect more than you can handle. If can, can. If no can, no can.
In my ohana it's always keiki and elders first. This is an absolute. Everyone else waits. And always wait til either everyone or majority of everyone has already eaten before going up for seconds.
Oh, I forgot! When we would go to a potluck or picnic, the host either had to go containers for everyone, or told us to bring our containers to take home food. l
Aloha Karen - Yes!! That one is such a good tip, love it 🙂
- Kathy
Great advice! I grew up in Hawai'i, and share these tips with friends who are going over for a visit.
Great advice and sooo true!!! Thank you for writing this AND thank you for publishing these wise suggestions!
Aloha Kathy,
Your website is exceptional and Iʻll be forwarding it to many of my friends local and on the Mainland. I first came to Hawaii in the summer of 1964. Ah, to have had the knowledge herein at that time. Now living in Hilo, so many of your recipes and thoughts ring especially true these days. HVB should have it in all their tourist handouts! Mahalo piha and please continue your great works.
Aloha Kawika - Thank you so much for the kind and sincere words, you made my day! 🙂
- Kathy
Mahalo nui loa for this post! I like the Hawaiian community element to dining with others. The food is meant to be enjoyed fully, but please keep your chopsticks to yourself... just not sticking straight up.
Hi Kathy! I use your Portuguese Bean Soup recipe all the time and was looking for a good veggie stir fry recipe.
Another pet peeve I have is people using their personal chopsticks to take seconds. I know this is acceptable in Asia but in this age of COVID, it is a custom that should be stopped. I always put out serving spoons or if at a restaurant, ask for extra chopsticks for serving.
I hope you're doing well! (I'm Alicia's mom - she's doing great)
Hi Mrs. Yee! So happy you like the Portuguese Bean Soup recipe 🙂 Super good point about the chopsticks, I totally agree. Will add that to the list! Hope all is well and glad Alicia is doing great!
- Kathy
Hey, this proves that great minds think alike!! Great post! Your advice on potlucks brings another potluck thing to mind. I hate it when somebody brings only a (small) bag of potato chips as their contribution to the potluck. Or when they bring a pack of uncooked hotdogs. Or the freaking family with 8 kids who brings 1/2 pound of fried chicken fingers that they got from the supermarket deli!! Sheesh!! Here where I live, there is a "Hawaiian Club". My late wife and I used to be members but got sick and tired of us always bringing a whole roasted turkey, or 10 pounds of beef pot roast, or maybe a 12 quart pot of chili with beans, and other moochers just bring those little things -- so we quit. We are/were not vindictive or selfish people, but we just got tired of being taken advantage of. Sometimes those same moochers would bring the pint size container of supermarket potato salad to the potluck too!
Hi Alan! Ahahah there is *always* that one person! I think everyone will know exactly what you are talking about lololol. All too familiar with that pint size container of potato salad...not even mac salad ^_^
- Kathy
And these people NEVER host.
Love this article. It's a handy guide especially for a new non-asian significant other. Interesting about the cheese plate. I guess because cheese is expensive. I dunno, I guess Food=Love in my book.
Aloha Jeanne!
Ahaha agree about them never hosting 😉
Thank you! The cheese plate thing was a definite surprise but now I know lolol.
- Kathy